There’s a huge amount of paperwork…payroll, accounting, bookkeeping, scheduling a full-time job, and I already have another one. It’s living two lives, even with paid caregivers for her. It’s stressful, isolating and has taken years off of my life…we’re at five years of caregiving now for her. I don’t think this MEDcottage is such a bad idea! Look into any and all solutions! When you are faced with trying to do the right thing for your elderly parent, when they are unwilling to do what’s right for you or your own family and unreasonable even when you try to inform them of other options to protect them and care for them, you need all the ideas and solutions you can possibly muster. Try advising a stubborn, frightened person…still in posession of her “faculties” and fighting to make her own decisions, even if they’re wrong ones…about all of her options when she refuses any and all of them, saying, “I’ll use up every last penny to stay at home til I go on the dole then, I hope I’ll be dead because I won’t last one week in a nursing home.”īottom line, I applaud anybody out there trying to find solutions to elder care living. why we didn’t downsize Mom earlier and instead rent out her home so that she would have income why not a move to a assisted-living community sell our own home and move in with her move her into our house sell both homes and buy a home with granny quarters. Believe me, I was queried/grilled (like a criminal) by the required “credit” counselors of the lender’s, as to every sort of living situation I could have come up with for Mom in order to make her savings stretch to the end of her life rather than choosing the most expensive way to live, which is in-home, 24-hr care, i.e. I’ve since reverse-mortgaged her home (for a pitiable amount, due to its dropped value in the recession) so that we have a way to pay for her since-hired, paid caregivers which were necessitated once Mom broke her back (osteoporosis, a big problem with elderly women). She has mega health problems and was very happy that I moved in with her for her first year of widowhood until I told her I simply had to get home to my husband…not to mention, my life. My mother was formerly a kind person but, out of desperation, became controlling and selfish about anyone else’s needs but her own as she struggled to hold onto her life. You have to remember when they reach old age, in this case the 80s, a lot of their friends have died or have their own frailties, neighbors have moved on, some family members (if there are any in our case, none) have no desire to help, and won’t maybe your parents were never associated with clubs or a church…there is simply no one to help, and they are resistant to outside help, either paid or volunteer. Instead, it ran me ragged traveling between two homes, hers and mine, many times per day (she had already been quite disabled for years, having many/increasing dependent needs). I, of course, couldn’t do it never would. I was actually told by experts to walk away from my widowed mother, for the demands she put on me to care for her, based on where SHE wanted to live and, unrealistically, HOW she wanted to live. It got to be that they couldn’t even walk out onto the driveway to pick up their morning newspaper, step down onto the porch to pick up their mail, much less go into the garage where washing machine/clothes dryer was located, get around to the rear of the house to feed pets or water the lawn, etc.
Narrow door frames, steps/stairs, large step over and down into the shower stall, etc. Their 1950s-era house was not suitable for the aging adult it was built for a young family. My dad saved as much money as he could but neglected to ever look into the true cost of elder care. They want to stay right where they are, when it’s not practical or even safe. They’ll leave it to you to figure it out you will inherit their problems and have to be the problem-solver for them (and you will always be the “bad” guy). Until you are faced as the adult child (in my case, the ONLY adult child) trying to care for your aging and dependent parent, be open to suggestions about how they might live because, I guarantee you, they probably won’t be. I was formerly one of those people who could make a judgment about a topic like this when, in fact, I knew very little about it.
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